


I love you at your worst and at your best

by AnaOliveir



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:56:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27723793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnaOliveir/pseuds/AnaOliveir
Summary: Nights were his favourite part of any day. Well, at least since that night with him. It still feels weird that it actually happened. Sirius was not used to have such luck. He was used to pain, in all forms. But maybe his luck changed. He was now with Remus. After years of just being friends, after months and months of trying to understand what was going on, his luck changed.
Relationships: Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 11





	I love you at your worst and at your best

Nights were his favourite part of any day. Well, at least since that night with him. It still feels weird that it actually happened. Sirius was not used to have such luck. He was used to pain, in all forms. But maybe his luck changed. He was now with Remus. After years of just being friends, after months and months of trying to understand what was going on, his luck changed. 

They were in the common room, Remus reading a book, as per usual, and Sirius struggling with some essay. Everyone was already sleeping, they were alone. Sirius finished the essay, cursing the thing as normal, and Remus laughed.  
\- Come here – Remus said  
Sirius sat next to him on the couch.  
\- What’s going on? You’ve been acting strange lately. Has your family sent you any letter lately? You look sad…  
Sirius didn’t know what to say. But words were not necessary.  
\- I’m here for you, Sirius. Whatever is going on, I’m here for you. We don’t need to talk about it, as long as you know that I’m here for you.  
Sirius didn’t say a word. He sat closer to Remus and laid on his chest. They stayed like that for a while and Sirius finally said:  
\- It just hurts sometimes. For no particular reason, nothing new has to happen. But it hurts, and I feel like screaming. Sometimes I feel exhausted too, and in those moments, I just want to cry myself to sleep. They really fucked me over, my parents. I’m so fucked up that I actually want to cry for no apparent reason. I hate it. I hate that I share their blood. I hate that I’ll forever be their child. I fucking hate everything!  
Lupin stayed calm. This was not his first time listening to such things.  
\- You are nothing like them, Sirius. I have told you this a thousand times, and I’ll say it a thousand more. Blood means nothing. Your heart is nothing like theirs; You’re kind, considerate, loving, caring… You’re one of the best people I know. I am so sorry that they will forever be in your past… But they don’t have to be in your present. Only you can decide who get’s to be part of your present. Only those who know how to treat you, how to love you, can be part of your life. And that freedom of choice will never be taken away from you. I love you, I really do. I wish this was enough to make you forget about them… but I’ll settle for less. If our friendship is enough for you to feel happy right now, tonight, then I’ll feel accomplished. – Remus smiled.  
Sirius lifted his head. Of course they loved each other. No secrets there. No need to make a big deal about that. Friends should be able to say they love each other without any weird weight attached to it. That was not the problem. He looked away. The fire place was still burning.  
\- I don’t know how anyone can love me. I know you care about me. I know my closest friends care about me. But I already have a hard time accepting that, let alone someone loving me. I’m broken, Remus. I can’t deal with my emotions. I don’t know how to show my love to other people. I live in fear of loosing everyone because deep down I know I’m not good enough for anyone. I-  
\- I love you, Sirius.  
\- I know, but-  
\- No, you need to listen to me. I love you. I love you broken as you are. I love you when you struggle with your emotions. I love you when you don’t know how to show your love to others. I love you when you’re so fucked up you disappear for a week. I love you when you push me away because you don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you. I love you at your worst and at your best. The only thing I don’t love about you, is the way you see yourself. If you could see yourself the way I see you, you’d love yourself too.  
Sirius had tears streaming down his face. He laid his head on Remus chest. They stayed like that for a while.  
I love you, Sirius… - this was almost whispered.  
Sirius lifted his head once again. They looked at each other for a while, in silence.  
\- Say that again – Sirius said  
\- I love you… I love you so much  
Their lips touched. The most natural, unscripted kiss. Just one soft touch of the lips. And then one soft kiss on Sirius forehead.  
\- I want to lay next to you tonight. No one will harm you, not awake, not in your dreams. – Remus was basically whispering.  
They went to their dorm and laid on Sirius bed, next to each other. Not another word was spoken that night. Sirius fell asleep with Remus hands caressing his face. 

Sirius luck had changed, or so he thought. To be fair, nothing had really changed about his luck. The only thing that changed was that for the first time, he let someone love him.


End file.
